On The Verge.

Today is the day. I knew it was coming. I was dreading it. Although still hopeful that it wouldn’t. Getting the text was like ice rushing through my veins. “She’s having a really hard time right now..” I knew what was happening before I even finished reading. Depression. Again. It’s something that has been happening with my mom since I was 16. We have been on a good streak. She has been happy. Funny. Silly. Now?

I called her between classes. Crying. She believes she is a failure. I tell her she’s not. She says sorry for every little thing, even crying. I tell her she doesn’t have to. It doesn’t help/.

Hands shaking as I write this and I feel the same way I do every. single. time. this happens. I’m 21 years old and I’m scared to “lose” my mom. That is exactly how it feels.

Sounds a little selfish of me considering everything she is going through right now. I just know I will be the only one to see it all and the only one to pick up the pieces. Everyone else like to give her a big enough radius. As if they will catch it or something if they get to close. I hate that they aren’t there for her.




Let’s Get Intimate

Hey guys. Here we go again.


“I get this feeling sometimes. About my mom. Like even though she would never leave me I feel like she will. Sometime. Like if she doesn’t start to get better soon she isn’t gonna be able to take it anymore. And that scares me. It might not seem like I need my mom for much but if she were gone… I would completely lose it.”


p.s. this is the first time I died my hair lol

Let’s Get Intimate.

Hey guys! Here is my next one.

“I feel empty. Cracked. Alone. Sometimes I just let the weight of everything I am feeling crush me because I can’t hold it up anymore. Nobody sees. Nobody hears. Nobody knows. And why would they? I hide it so well. I don’t want anyone to think I am weak. It comes at a price but I pay it. For the well-being of my mom. But sometimes I can’t take it anymore. I will never forget the things that my mom said to me. They left me with scars. And my dad doesn’t care for me. I’m ruined. Empty. Cracked. Alone.”


Long Time, No See

Hey guys! So I had a video made explaining why I hadn’t published a new blog post in a while, but I’m cheap and have the free plan which means I can’t post video content. :/ Anyway In said video I just saw how I haven’t written in because I have been lacking inspiration but that I remembered that I was going to New York for a week because my cousin was getting married. I decided to just to wait and write about my trip. With that being said, I also wanted to thank the three of you who are following me and the people who have liked my blog posts thus far.  Now on to my trip! Bare with me because this is a long one.

DAY 1:

Travel day from LAX started with being in line for bag check behind a lady who I kid you not had like 8 bags. I already was cutting it close so of course I was internally freaking out. Luckily I got through security quickly and made it to my gate and on board no problem. Now with flying in general I am okay except I don’t like the take off or the landing. Tip: but motion sickness medicine, trust me I wish I had gotten some. Anyway, I flew delta and they had a tv on the back of the seats with surprisingly current movies. I watched Deadpool (totally recommend, totally inappropriate, totally hilarious) and Thor: The Dark World. Everything was fine until we started to land because we hit turbulence and I felt like I was gonna be sick, hence the motion sickness medicine. Now I knew I was gonna be arriving an hour before my family, but what I didn’t know was that they were arriving in a different terminal that happened to be on the other side of JFK. So I had to take the AirTrain to their terminal and then just wait. Once my family we got their we took a shuttle to our hotel in Times Square (!!!!) but they messed up our reservation (gave us 1 room with a king bed, instead of 2 rooms with 2 queen beds). Long story short we had to take a taxi at 2 in the morning to The Westin in Jersey City. We were staying there just for that night.

DAY 2:

For this day we did the only thing we could do in Jersey City. This is the bake shop from the show Cake Boss.


We got a cannoli, a chocolate chip cookie and a red velvet cupcake.

Next we just went back to New York to check into the hotel we would really be staying in but first a picture of the New York skyline via New Jersey.


Now after we checked in (we were staying on the 41st floor!) we just explored the area around Times Square.


We saw Radio City Music Hall & Rockefeller Center. Plus a beautiful sunset!



DAY 3:

Today we wanted to explore New York more fully so we took the water taxi to the various spots. First thing we saw? The Brooklyn Bridge!



Me & my cousin

Now one of the things I really wanted to do in Brooklyn was take a picture at D.U.M.B.O. (Down Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass). I didn’t get a chance to see it sadly but one of my cousins did and took a picture for me.


Currently my lock screen photo on my phone.

Next was the Statue of Liberty & Ellis Island. I just finished learning about the history Ellis Island in my American Studies class so it was slightly cooler than it probably would have been.



Kinda wish I got to actually stop here to see if I could find any past relatives like in the movie Hitch with Will Smith & Eva Mendes.

Now I also took what is probably one of my favorite pictures of New Jersey & New York I believe the Hudson River in between.


Then we got off the water taxi in Greenwich Village and since everyone was running around like chickens with their heads chopped off about what to do, I took charge and said we were going to see the apartment from Friends!


This is just what they used for the outside guys. I’m sure most of not all shots of the insides of both apartments we just sets on a studio lot.

Next was the Freedom Tower & Ground Zero. Now I also talked about in my video that because I was so young when 9/11 happened (I was 7) I don’t really remember it happening and so even though I think it is devastating, there is a disconnect there. (Please understanding I am not trying to be offensive to anybody’s family or friends who died in this tragedy, I am just expressing my feelings). Anyways the point is that being at Ground Zero and seeing all those names really opened my eyes to the reality of what happened and while there I said a prayer for those people and their friends and families.




DAY 4:

Wedding Day!! The wedding was in New Brunswick, New Jersey and there isn’t really much to explain so here are some of my favorite pictures from the big day!



Me & my cousin again.

My cousin, and the grooms brother, he is single ladies! lol


His best blue steel impression.


The Bride & Groom share a kiss.


And to the reception we go.


Beautiful wedding cake, most likely not made by the cake boss. lol


Despite how tall they both are, I am actually older than one of them lol your guess!


One of my favorite aunts and the life of the party. Seriously!


We are girls and we love taking pictures of ourselves. Sorry not sorry.


And they lived happily ever after.


DAY 5:

This day the world decided to gift me with this beauty to start my morning.


I seriously love whoever made this sign!

Today was all about Central Park. If I could come here everyday I would!


The Mall & Literary Walk


The Bethesda Terrance, in other words, where Chuck & Blair got married in the Gossip Girl series finale! 



The Alice in Wonderland Statue     “We are all mad here.”


Sitting on the steps of The Met = Queen B status. (Another Gossip Girl reference)


Because we had to!


At the Minus 5 degree ice bar! So cool. I know there is definitely one in Las Vegas too. This is should be on everyone’s must do list.

DAY 6:

Probably one of my favorite days because this is the day we went to The Met! I’m just gonna shut up and show you my favorite things from this amazing and absolutely huge museum.


I need this in my house ASAP!


And I would kill to have ceilings like this nowadays.


Every little girls dream bed. TBH I wouldn’t mind having this bed now!

These next two are my favorite dresses from the exhibit “Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology”, which was the theme for this years Met Gala. The four dresses below are all from the House of Dior. They were my favorites!





Entering Egypt…






This is the real Egyptian tomb.


This was actually in the Gossip Girl series finale too but I didn’t know that at the time. I just thought it looked cool.


Favorite stained glass window.


The classic Washington crossing the Delaware picture.


And our day at The Met is done!

Later we ate dinner in Little Italy and got to go to Grand Central Station where I took my final picture from Gossip Girl.


Me being Serena Van Der Woodsen. Where is my lonely boy?

DAY 7:

We went to the High Line in Chelsea. It is an almost 1.5 mile long park built on an elevated section of a disused New York Central Railroad spur called the West Side Line. It was redesigned and planted as an aerial greenway.


Me probably thinking about something important. (JK)


It was a very hot day so this popsicle started to melt like 5 seconds after we bought them. (See picture below)



This guys shirt made me laugh so I put him on my snapchat story lol

We also went to the American Museum of Natural History but this was the only thing worth posting about.


For all you Night at the Museum fans!

To end the night we went to see Chicago on Broadway! Hot Tip: get tickets at the TKTS booths. They offer same day tickets to most of the shows for up to 50% off. (Disney doesn’t off there show tickets here and no Hamilton doesn’t either, for that one you probably have to wait another 15 years).




It was such a good show! If you are like my cousin who has seen the movie version like 100 times, then you will be singing along to practically every song!

DAY 8:

Another travel day! I was better prepared and bought motion sickness medicine. Let’s keep this short. I watched Star Wars: Force Awakens and The Sound of Music.I also messed around with snapchat filters in the airport. IMG_5903

And that’s it! It was an amazing trip and I am definitely going back someday! Hopefully soon!!

Here is the list I put together of things to do in New York. (* next to the things I did & and extra one if it was worth seeing)

  • Battery Park
    • explore ruins of old forts
    • great views of the harbor
  • Statue of Liberty
    • get there early or the line gets long
    • same for Ellis Island
  • Federal Hall
    • where George Washington was sworn in
  • Trinity Church
    • one of the oldest churches in America
  • Empire State Building
    • view from the top
    • get there early or during lunchtime to avoid lines & tour groups
  • Grand Central Station**
    • eatery in the basement
    • Campbell Apartments (Dress code enforced so dress to impress)
  • Rockefeller Center*
    • view from “Top of the Rock”
    • Radio City Music Hall
  • Times Square*
    • lots of shopping and just your classic Times Square picture
  • Central Park**
    • Alice in Wonderland Statue
    • Concerts in the park
    • Zoo
  • The Metropolitan Museum of Art**
    • art, historical artifacts, photographs, Egyptian tomb
    • they take donations, you don’t have to pay anything to get in but I’m sure any amount is appreciated
  • American Museum of Natural History*
    • nature, human history, marine life, space
    • Night at the Museum
    • also pay what you want
  • Guggenheim Museum
    • impressionist, post-impressionist, early modern, contemporary
    • 20th centuries most important architectural designs
    • $22 admission (that you have to pay)
  • Broadway show**
    • Lion King, Wicked, Jersey Boys, Finding Neverland, Hamilton, Fiddler on the Roof, Aladdin, Chicago and Phantom of the Opera (just to name a few)
  • Museum of Modern Art
    • modern and impressionist
    • free Fridays after 4
  • Prospect Park
    • Brooklyn Museum
  • Staten Island Ferry
    • runs 24/7 every 15-20 mins on weekdays & every 30-60 mins on weekends
    • panoramic views of Manhattan
  • Canal Street
    • best place to buy knockoffs
  • Apartment from FRIENDS**
    • intersection of Grove St. & Bedford St.
    • only worth if you are a big fan of the show
  • Columbus Circle
    • whole foods to upscale clothing and jewelry shops
  • Dominique Ansel Bakery
    • eat a cronut
    • in SoHo
  • Brooklyn Botanical Garden
    • free on Tuesday
  • Fifth Avenue
    • window shopping
    • spa day
  • Chelsea Market**
    • shopping and delicious cafes
    • 75 9th ave.
  • St. Patrick’s Cathedral
    • free walk-through or guided tour
    • beautiful, neo-gothic architecture
  • Loopy Doopy Rooftop Bar
    • Conrad Hotel
    • Prosecco Popsicle Cocktails
    • no reservations, 1st come 1st serve
  • Meatpacking District
    • Le Bain
      • the Standard Hotel
      • world-famous DJs
  • The Box (where Blair did the strip tease for Chuck in GG)
    • lower east side @ 189 Chrystie St.
    • opens at 11pm, show starts @ 1am
    • reservations so call
    • no cell phones/cameras
    • dress glamorous
  • Brooklyn Flea Market
    • antiques, crafts and vintage clothes
  • Bryant Park
    • movies outdoors
  • Karaoke
    • Koreatown
    • rent a private room to sing if your scared to sing in front of a crowd
  • Pete’s Tavern
    • disguised as flower shop during prohibition
    • 129 E. 8th St.
  • Brooklyn Bridge**
    • walk all the way across
  • 9/11 Memorial
    • lay flowers
  • Coyote Ugly Saloon
    • 153 1st Ave. between 9th & 10th St.
    • If you’re a fan of the movie, its worth it. (I’ve been to the one in Las Vegas.)