70/ 30

Friendships are like relationships. They take work, communication, love…but lately they just seem hard. Have you ever felt like you give more than you get? That people take and take and take from you without giving anything back but your okay with that because that’s just the kind of person you are? Well that is me. I have some friends that I feel like they would never make an extra effort for me and I am the kind of person that would still try and bend over backwards if they need me. I am so sick of feeling this way. I just want some friends who will be there for me WHENEVER I need them and me in return. Is it too much to ask for friendships to be an equal 50/50?



Does Love Really Cost Nothing?

In life, we are looking for that special someone that make our hearts race, palms sweat, breath hitch and lips part. We wait and wait and wait, but what exactly are we waiting for? The perfect person to just walk into our lives and we’ll just know? If I want to find the one, or something close to it in the meantime, what do I have to give up to find it? While personality is one of the most important things in a person shouldn’t I be attracted to them as well? For men, it seems easy, find anyone who will give you want you want, sex perhaps, and when it gets time to be serious find the perfect person who checks every item on your list. For women, those guys that seem like they have every item are the ones who are just looking for sex. So what I’m asking is…should we have to settle for something less than what we want?

It’s Sad to See You Go, but Thank You for Everything.

Hey guys,

With the series finale of The Vampire Diaries just round the corner, in five days to be exact, I just wanted to take the time to say a few words or lot of them.

This show has taken some crazy turns and been on some amazing rides, to the point where I even thought it got a little ridiculous at times. I remember seeing this show on tv my freshman year of high school. I was flipping through the channels on a Thursday night after cheer practice and stopped and thought this is not really my kind of show. Of course I found myself back on channel 5 next Thursday totally and 100% hooked. Jump to a season or two later (I can’t really remember, give me a break it was 5 or 6 yeas ago) and I was at home sick and my friend lent me her dvds of season 1. I watched them only to discover I hadn’t seen the first four episodes of the show. I fell in love all over again.

Now I must say this before you continue reading. I was, and a part of me always will be, on team Stelena, but I am thrilled with the outcome of the pilot predicted “June wedding”.  If you are team Delena, feel free to stop reading now (you win, you called it), but you should really continue with me.

In honor of the wedding that just happened on the second to last episode of The Vampire Diaries EVER, I would like to make some toasts of my own.

To our favorites that died and helped shape our characters and taught us lessons in love, friendship and bravery, Lexi Branson, Liz Forbes, Jenna Sommers and Shelia Bennett, let’s raise a glass for them.

To the villans who made our jaws drop, made us gasp with surprise, made us feel a bit sorry for them at times and of course who were always a tad bit sexy, Katherine Pierce, Klaus Mikaelson, Elijah Mikaelson, Rebehak Mikaelson (the rest of their family), Kai Parker and yes, even some of our heroes (Damon, Stefan, Elena, and Caroline) this ones to you.

To the heroes who made us laugh with fantastic one liners, made us cry with heart wrenching emotion and the death of I’m pretty sure all of them at one time or another, made us smile with their friendships, made us yell at our screens when they picked the wrong person to be with (according to our ships), inspired us with the lengths they would go to for family, made us ache with their eternal optimism when it came to winning battles and their love lives, and let’s admit it, are all way too good looking to be from the same town, this one goes out to you, Matt Donovan, Tyler Lockwood, Alaric Salesman, Jeremy Gilbert, Bonnie Bennett, Caroline Forbes, Stefan Salvatore, Elena Gilbert and Damon Salvatore.

Now we come the hard parts..

Thank you TVD for being a show I could relate to, for showing me examples of great friendships (although I don’t think I will have quite as many occasions for my friends to risk their lives for me), for giving me something to go back to when I needed it, for being with me through the last eight years through high school and college.

Thank you Julie Plec & Kevin Williamson for creating this show and writing every episode so beautifully.

Thank you to the crew behind the camera for helping make this show possible.

Thank you Matthew Davis, Steven R. McQueen, Michael Trevino, Zach Roerig, Kat Graham, Candice King, Nina Dobrev, Paul Wesley and Ian Somerhalder for working so hard and making some of my favorite characters come to life. The show would not have been the same without you.

The show first started with Stefan saying “I am a vampire and this is my story,” and now that story has come to an end.

Goodbye TVD. It’s been a hell of a ride, it’s been epic and I can’t wait for the last one.


On The Verge.

Today is the day. I knew it was coming. I was dreading it. Although still hopeful that it wouldn’t. Getting the text was like ice rushing through my veins. “She’s having a really hard time right now..” I knew what was happening before I even finished reading. Depression. Again. It’s something that has been happening with my mom since I was 16. We have been on a good streak. She has been happy. Funny. Silly. Now?

I called her between classes. Crying. She believes she is a failure. I tell her she’s not. She says sorry for every little thing, even crying. I tell her she doesn’t have to. It doesn’t help/.

Hands shaking as I write this and I feel the same way I do every. single. time. this happens. I’m 21 years old and I’m scared to “lose” my mom. That is exactly how it feels.

Sounds a little selfish of me considering everything she is going through right now. I just know I will be the only one to see it all and the only one to pick up the pieces. Everyone else like to give her a big enough radius. As if they will catch it or something if they get to close. I hate that they aren’t there for her.



Let’s Get Intimate.

Hey guys! So it’s almost been a month since I have posted anything and I feel terrible. I’ve been really busy and uninspired. Anyway, I am sad to say I am almost done with this series because I am on my second to last post of the things I wrote in the past. This gives me an unique opportunity to not only continue to express my feelings in this series, but the things I will be posting will be about how I’m feeling currently. All of the words in this series I have posted so far had been in the past, the latest being 3 years ago. So here is the second to last post of the past.

“Rejected…just rejected.”

Short and sweet.


Let’s Get Intimate.

Hey guys! Sorry I haven’t posted in awhile. I’ve been super busy with school and its finals week so forgive me. Really quick, here is my next one>

“I got mad a my friend the other day. Over something so stupid. I was so mad that I balled up my fists and didn’t talk for a little while. I didn’t know if I wanted to slap her or cry or both.”